The Sneaky Nature of Positive Judgement 🤭 Activating the Healer Within Series
Shadow work is a wild ride, isn’t it? It has a way of showing up in our reality, reflecting our unconscious patterns back to us like a mirror we can’t avoid. And yet, as confronting as it may be, this work is also an invitation to greater self-awareness, personal liberation, and deeper peace.
In this part of the "Activating the Healer Within" series, I’m inviting us to take a next-level approach to owning our projections—because there’s always a new layer to uncover. And, trust me, this one is sneaky.
So let’s talk about it.
Most of us, at some point, have spoken about reality as though it’s something fixed and unchanging. But the truth? Reality is in constant flux, shifting in response to our energy, our beliefs, and—most of all—our projections.
Full accountability for our human journey means stepping beyond the illusion that "out there" is separate from us. It means realizing that what we see, praise, resist, or reject in others is reflecting something within ourselves. And yes, that applies to both the judgments we’d rather not admit to and the seemingly harmless, even well-intended, positive judgments we hand out every day.
So, let’s go deeper.
We often talk about shadow work in the context of negative projections—seeing something we don’t like in another person and realizing, "Oh, that’s actually my own wound staring back at me." But what about the positive judgments we make?
Here’s where it gets interesting.
If you compliment someone on how generous, thoughtful, or aware they are, what is the unspoken judgment hiding beneath?
Take this example:
"What a good boy you are for sharing, Jimmy!"
At first glance, that seems like harmless positive reinforcement, right? But hidden within that praise is an implicit judgment—one that says, if you don’t share, you’re bad.
And just like that, we’ve reinforced a conditional model of love and approval, where certain behaviors get validation and others do not. It’s subtle, but these tiny moments shape the way we internalize our sense of worthiness and what we believe we must do to receive love.
This realization hit me hard in real-time as I filmed this episode. I suddenly saw all the places where my own positive judgments had been reinforcing shadow patterns without me even realizing it.
The moment I saw it, I had to laugh. Because what else can you do? Shadow work is intense enough without taking ourselves too seriously. So, let’s bring some levity to this realization—because catching these blind spots is not about shame; it’s about freedom.
💡 Ready to explore this deeper? My Awakening Program is a self-guided course that helps you identify and work through these unconscious patterns with clarity and empowerment. Check it out here.
What Are You Reinforcing Without Realizing It?
Think about how you validate others. What do you praise? Where do you offer approval?
We often think we’ve moved past superficial validation—complimenting people on their material success, looks, or achievements. But then we move into another layer of conditioning, where we praise people for their consciousness, mindfulness, and presence instead.
Here’s the question: Is that praise still reinforcing a hidden standard?
Because if we’re complimenting someone on how aware they are, then, unconsciously, there’s a shadow belief that if they weren’t aware, they would be less worthy of love or respect.
This is where we get to unravel another layer of conditioning and reclaim a deeper sense of unconditional love—for ourselves and for others.
This shift in awareness changes how we interact with everyone—especially children.
Instead of praising kids for behaving "correctly" or for making the "right" choices, what if we simply met them where they are?
Imagine a child who doesn’t want to share. Instead of reinforcing a subtle shame pattern by saying, "Good kids share," what if we simply held space for their emotions?
What if we helped them explore:
Why they don’t want to share
What it feels like to be in someone else’s shoes (hello, emotional intelligence!)
How their actions impact the world around them without attaching their worth to their choices
And the truth is—this applies to everyone.
Instead of placing conditions on love, validation, or connection, we meet people where they are. We hold them in presence. And we allow them to be fully seen—without judgment.
At the end of the day, this work is about remembering what’s always been true:
💖 Love is the foundation.
💖 Love is not something we earn—it’s what we are.
💖 Love is not conditional on being "good" or "right" or even "conscious."
Everything else—the praise, the validation, the approval—is just a layer of conditioning that we’re here to unlearn.
So, as we move forward, I invite you to:
✨ Catch your own positive judgments and notice what they imply
✨ Release the need to reinforce worthiness through external validation
✨ Meet yourself and others in pure, loving presence
And, most of all—let’s keep laughing at ourselves along the way.
💡 Let’s keep this conversation going! Drop a comment below with your own aha moments. Where have you noticed sneaky positive projections showing up in your life? Let’s bring this into the light—together.
If this resonated, share it with someone who’s ready for the next level of self-awareness and healing. And if you haven’t already, subscribe to the channel and turn on notifications so we can keep this journey going.
With love,
A’sha 💗
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