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The role I didn't know I was still playing... (Part One)
- Admin
- Jul 20
- 4 min read
As I look out upon the Sangre de Cristos Mountains with my morning coffee, the morning light illuminating the ridgelines, I find myself in a moment of quiet reflection. It’s the kind of stillness that invites an inner unveiling—not the dramatic kind, but the subtle, holy kind that shifts something fundamental in your being.
Yesterday, I shared a reflection on social media about my relationship with my daughter, Artemisia. What began as a moment of gratitude for our journey together opened into something far deeper. I saw clearly—perhaps more clearly than ever before—a pattern I’ve been unraveling not only in my family, but within myself.
For much of my life, I’ve carried the energy of the rescuer. It’s a role that began early—nurturing wounded baby animals, sensing pain before words could name it, doing what I could to help. I used to think that was noble. And in many ways, it was. But with time and deeper awareness, I’ve come to see that the rescuer role can be double-edged.
It wasn’t just about love. It was also about identity.
Rescuing gave me something—a sense of value, of safety, of purpose. It was how I belonged. How I coped. How I learned to matter.
And while I thought I had laid this pattern down—“Be your own guru,” I’ve said to so many—I recently had to reckon with the ways it still lived within me. Quietly. Persistently.
Especially in how I related to my own daughter. In the name of support, I was still sometimes disempowering her. Not out of malice, but out of a deeply embedded belief that I needed to help in order to be of worth.
This realization didn’t come easy. It rarely does.
But Spirit, in her infinite grace, brought a mentor into my field—someone who could hold up a mirror with gentleness and precision. What I saw was uncomfortable. I had to sit with it. Feel the sting of awareness. And still… choose to love myself through it.
Because what I saw was this: the rescuer, when left unchecked, becomes its own kind of distortion. It keeps others small while keeping the rescuer safely needed. And it delays the very empowerment we claim to want for others.
It humbled me to see this. And it also liberated me.
These past several years—especially in the role I hold as a metaphysician, a multidimensional field agent, and someone who supports healers around the world—I’ve learned that shadow often hides in the noblest of intentions. Sometimes, the more spiritualized the role, the more invisible the distortion becomes.
And yet, as always, we are given the chance to see with new eyes.
To remember we are not these roles.
We are not the pain we inherited or the performances we adopted.
We are Love itself.
A fractal of, and the entirety of Source, embodied in human form.
We are wholeness rediscovering itself through a fragmented experience.
It has taken me time—and a good deal of grace—to recognize that the rescuer archetype, though born from love, can obstruct the very liberation we seek. And even more time to lay it down, gently, lovingly, without judgment.
This is the real work of shadow alchemy.
Not dramatic gestures. But subtle, seismic shifts in how we see ourselves and how we choose to show up.
In Part 2 (coming soon), I’ll share how this process of self-honesty rippled backward in time—how, after two years of no contact, my own mother was finally able to meet me in a new space of truth, and what she revealed about my birth that helped piece together a lifelong feeling of displacement. What emerged was not just healing—but awe.
We are healing lineages.
We are healing timelines.
And we are doing so, not by bypassing the pain, but by moving through it with compassion and a willingness to see more clearly.
If you are on this path, if you’re ready to face your own blind spots with love and honesty, I invite you to join me.
Shadow Gold Alchemy is a my new 6-month private mentorship journey — designed for depth, spaciousness, and profound, lasting transformation. Here’s what’s included:
12 one-on-one sessions with me, A’sha Love, held bi-weekly on Zoom (1 hour each) These are deeply personal, private containers where we tune directly into your field. Just you and me, exploring what’s truly ready to shift.
Session replays Each call is recorded so you can revisit the energy, guidance, and multidimensional insight whenever you need.
Written session summaries After each session, you'll receive a custom-written reflection to help you integrate the work and track your unfolding journey. Many clients find these summaries become sacred guides they return to again and again.
The bi-weekly rhythm gives you time to integrate between sessions while still receiving consistent, loving support.
You don’t have to loop through the same patterns.
And you definitely don’t have to do it alone.
Let’s transmute what’s been in your blind spot into the gold that will carry you forward, for yourself and future generations.
Apply now and let’s begin the alchemy:
See you on the other side,
A’sha Love
P.S. Has the rescuer role been part of your journey too? Or maybe you’ve noticed how hard it is to let go of the part of you that needs to be needed. I’d love to hear what this brought up for you—especially if you’ve also found yourself unraveling old family roles, reclaiming your voice, or noticing the ways you’ve dimmed your light to keep the peace.
If you’re reading this somewhere you can leave a comment, please do. And if you received this by email, just hit reply and share what’s moving in you.
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