"Somebody stepped inside your soul Little by little they robbed and stole Till somebody else was in control"
-U2 (The Troubles)
Mental health and suicide prevention have been on my mind for a while. I have been guided to share my perspective and approach. So as I sit down to write this, I am not at all surprised by the "random" song that played first on shuffle, The Troubles by U2. I've heard it plenty of times before, but had never really listened to the lyrics.
As the lines above were sung, my attention snapped to. I smiled at the synchronicity and then immediately felt the responsibility of getting this right for the many people that need this help.
You are not alone.
Here's my story.
I've never liked crowds. I always tried to back out of school dances (apologies to my friends, who always encouraged me). Thinking back, I would feel a sense of panicky angst in my heart and gut and sometimes an overwhelmingly oppressive feeling. Easier to just stay in. I didn't understand that I could feel others' emotions and thoughts.
In college, after a neck injury and heart break, I slid deeper and deeper into a suffocating depression. Amazingly, I managed to complete my studies, but I gained a lot of weight and I felt awful. At the time of graduation, I felt lost and confused and my self esteem was low - the opposite of what I had hoped that day would yield. I didn't yet know about negative attachments and how they can invade your thoughts and emotions.
I did go to counseling during that time, but still struggled. I carried on. My path was circuitous and winding, but I kept moving forward. I always felt like I was searching for something I couldn’t quite find. I didn't realize I was searching for greater connection with my Spirit.
In 2009, my father passed away. I knew he was going to die. The message traveled down in to my right ear one day while visiting him. The day he left his body behind, I "saw" his childhood friend show up by his bedside. I was devastated and spent the following year in deep grief. Late at night, when I couldn't sleep, I would "see" him and others in my living room. I didn't yet know about other dimensions and how we can communicate across the veil.
By 2011 I was under so much pressure internally, I thought I was going to combust. I wanted to get out of the pressure and get away from the incredible discomfort. It was do or die, literally. I realized, with a little help from a friend, that I had been neglecting to heed my small inner voice for years. I had been turning my back on my heart's desires and internal guidance for years. I didn't yet remember that we have soul contracts, important agreements about what we would do and who we would be in each lifetime. I hadn't heard about Spirit Guides and the Higher Self, and how they are always guiding us towards greater spiritual alignment, even if we're not doing a great job of listening.
Then, I got back on track. I made the changes I was summoned to make. It took courage, no doubt. I had to face my fear of judgment from others. Fortunately, I had a few very supportive family and friends (thank you, thank you). I had forgotten that people are sent to us and will say just what we need to hear at the right time, if we can just get out of resistance to this divine intervention.
In 2012 everything I had worked hard to build fell apart. I was at ground zero and total surrender. Finally. Late one night, I was visited by two inter-dimensional beings. Nope, they weren't human. They told me that I had important tasks ahead of me and that if I continued to turn away from myself, I would be increasingly dissatisfied. I hadn't yet understood that we are conditioned to operate within a False Self that must be dismantled as we claim unity with our Greater Self.
The last four years have been a blur of massive identity expansion. I was brought into contact with many spiritually advanced teachers and guides in the non-physical. I was asked to pick back up my clearing, healing, and channeling abilities. I've done as I was asked each time. So, when the call to make my multidimensional abilities available to the arena of mental health and suicide prevention came, I didn't hesitate.
My story is not atypical. You're not wrong for feeling the way you do. You just live in a crazy, disconnected world that is influencing you in ways you've been taught don't exist.
There are powerful tools (and allies) available to you to initiate your own self-healing. If any of my story resonates for you, you can bet that you're here in some similar capacity. Healer. Wayshower. But, admittedly, this is one tough gig. We have to break out of the illusory matrix based in separation first. You have to transcend incredible distortion. Intellectual Cartesian-worldview programming. Religious programming. Power-over-others masquerading as service-to-others. This requires discernment.
The first step is always self-awareness. Every Spirit Guide I work with counsels the client to become very aware and eventually, masterful, of what they are thinking. How many negative or limiting thoughts run through your mind in just one day? When you first feel bad, often in the gut or heart, stop right there. What did you just think? Repetitive thoughts can be caught "in the act" in this way.
Here's the kicker. Most of these thoughts aren't even yours. Psychic hygiene is incredibly important. What does that mean? It means that you need to learn how to clear your field and to keep it clear. (Here's a link to Cameron Day's free 3-part self-clearing series).
You must also stop giving your power away and reclaim your divine sovereignty, your authority, and most importantly - your responsibility as a creator of the reality you experience. You are capable. You are powerful. Your challenges serve an important purpose.
If there is a light You can’t always see And there is a world We can’t always be If there is a dark Now we shouldn't doubt And there is a light Don’t let it go out
-U2 Song for Someone
Here's what some very powerful teachers I work with had to say when I asked them for help in understanding why people commit suicide:
"While the details of why people are driven to, motivated to, such a drastic act, varied, the one major tenet that runs through all experience is an extreme separation from the Higher Self. Indeed, a suicide is driven by a desire at a fundamental level to return to unity.
What I would tell you at this time is that focus all of your efforts on guiding everyone involved in suicide prevention into an understanding and an expertise in what it means to re-unite with the Higher Self and how that can be achieved while in the embodied, incarnate form." -Saint Germain
"I'm going to draw your attention more specifically to the incredible, emotional pain that people are in when they find themselves in this state. There is an element of wanting to escape this pain rather than to allow it, rather than to feel it and work with it. Therefore, this would be another suggestion - to safely, powerfully guide people back into their emotional body in order to retrieve important pieces of information relative to their healing, critical to their healing.
It is when the sensation of pain becomes so great that the soul literally splinters and fragments and there is an effort to catch up with the soul. That is why the individual so desires to leave their body - because their soul, a major part of their soul, already has. In the shamanic tradition, this would be considered soul retrieval. " -Archangel Michael
To support you in your journey, I am developing a "Realignment Protocol", based in my own experience and with input from above. If this interests you, you can contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org.